Everyone Needs Compassion

Linking up with Charlotte at  Spiritual Sunday  and Laura....Brag on Friday

"Walk where your heart leads you" GAO XINGJIAN  

I've got plans for this year...goals....dreams...
to live with purpose...to make a difference....
to use everything I've gone through to shine a Light wherever I can...so others can find freedom too. A few things in the works which I'm both excited and nervous about.....

-received an email about the women's group I'll be running starting next week...registration is full.  Talking to all those women makes me feel like bungee jumping...but the desire to show hope pushes me to not chicken out. 
-I spoke with a chaplain of a women's prison who just finished reading my book. He was blown away by it and now we're meeting this coming week to discuss how I might be able to help incarcerated women in desperate need of hope. Gulp!!!

-an old friend I lost touch with found me. He's had a tough life....spent most of it in and out of jail. Something happened to him when he was ten which changed and hardened him. But now he's a believer and travels all over the world telling people about his faith and the freedom he found in Christ. He asked if I'd write his story. The weird thing about it.....he had written me tons of letters when he was incarcerated in the last prison....letters I've kept. In the back of my mind I always thought...one day I'm gonna write his story. His story is amazing. I want to honor what he lived and both of us want to help others to know the hope and freedom that comes from the touch of His gentleness.  

Everyone needs compassion..a love that's never failing...everyone needs forgiveness...the kindness of a Savior

Gentleness

Linking up with Charlotte Spiritual Sunday  Laura Beholding Glory

The way to overcome the angry man is with gentleness, the evil man with goodness, the miser with generosity and the liar with truth. Indian Proverb

There''s a children's story about the wind boosting he was stronger than the sun. They saw a man walking and the wind challenged the sun. The proof who was stronger would be the one who could make that man take off his jacket. The wind went first. He blew and blew and blew and every time he did....the man wrapped his coat tighter around himself. When it was the sun's turn, he shone his warmth. Soon the man removed his jacket.

Gentleness......I think that's where real strength comes from....Being kind....caring....forgiving. When I lived in hate.....and anger.....wanting to hurt the people who hurt me.....I was like the wind....I pushed others away....and made my life cold.....hard.....and difficult. 

The warmth of His gentleness broke through all that hardness. I couldn't resist that level of love and affection. Like the man who eventually took off his jacket......His gentleness helped me to let go of all the hate.....and forgive and let go.....And I figured out......real strength doesn't come from force or cruelty. It comes from someone's kind-heartiness....and respect.

Make me a channel of Your peace....where there is hatred let me bring Your love

Set the World on Fire

Linking up with Charlotte and Ginger who every week host Spiritual Sunday

"Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire." St. Catherine of Siena   

I want to live my best life......and I've figured out....to do that.....is to give back what's been given to me......and I've been given so much. When I give back.....I feel alive and really happy.

I was asked to run a group for women....to share my story....and give them hope to see that nothing is impossible to overcome. I loved it. And mostly....they loved it.  I've agreed to do it again for the next two weeks. And I'm speaking again....on July 6th. It's getting easier. Mostly because the response has been overwhelming. 

I can see now that everything I went through...all those things I hated....those things I didn't want anyone to know...has given me an edge.....something that shows hope to others fighting their demons....their battles....who are living on the edge......And it's all because of Him....His grace....His gentle touch.....I want to live my best life. I want to set the world on fire...to see Him...to show that nothing is impossible to overcome...


How Long O Lord.....will you forget me?

Spiritual Sunday "Never Meant to Walk Alone"

Thanks Charlotte and Ginger for hosting these great Spiritual Sunday

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better.  It's not."  Dr. Seuss

Thanks Guys...thanks for your comments last Sunday and on thursday. Thanks for being in my corner....and for believing in me.  Your words gave me courage to not give in to fear....to stand up and speak my truth. 

I was super nervous.....but I stayed....and pushed through the fear and spoke my truth. The response was amazing. They said it was powerful...that I'm a speaker...that they're glad I joined with them and they want to help me.  I felt totally wiped after....but something in me knows....He's preparing me..training me to not be afraid...to stand up....to shine His Light...the Light that lit up the darkness that I lived in. Nothing else could penetrate it. Nothing else could break through....only Him. He made the difference.   I know I need to tell...to give hope...to show nothing is impossible to overcome. And besides.....I owe Him....

March 30th 9:30-noon I'll be speaking to 75 women. I just got an email confirming that. 

Thanks Guys...thanks again for being in my corner.

We were never meant to walk this road alone...you carry me.....and I will carry you....be your strength...pull you through...

Spiritual Sunday. Hard Places

Thanks Charlotte and Ginger for always being there...and hosting.....Spiritual Sunday

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.  I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.  ~Mother Teresa

I've spent the week with friends...listening to them share their hearts.....their struggles......their fight.  Some dealing with an illness or addiction....some worried about problems in their marriage or home...others afraid they wouldn't have enough money to pay the mortgage.  I heard the stress...the strain in their voices. I saw the worry in their eyes.

It seems no one is exempt from the the toughness in life....those things that pull and tug...trying to make us lose hope....and courage. Everyone's fighting some kind of battle.

When I was fighting the darkness....stuck in those things I thought I'd never be free of.....running scared....I didn't know life would ever get better. So many times I wanted to give up....let go....give in. I got angry at God...and challenged His claim of being loving...caring....

I think life ebbs and flows...the bad comes to everyone....so does the good. Things change...the darkness lifts....peace comes....and with Him in our corner....it's guarenteed....we'll be okay.  

In the darkness......I didn't know....joy....peace...even happiness could be possible. Everyone around me....family, friends....professionals said impossible....But something I learned - with Him....nothing is impossible. Battles aren't forever. Maybe someone else can't see where you want to go...what you want to be.....what you hunger to accomplish....

But I've learned never to let anyone limit what I want to strive for. What I lived has become my strength....and what I know for sure.....even in the really hard places.....flowers can grow. 

The struggles I'm facing...the chances I'm taking might knock me down...but I'm not breaking.....

Spiritual Sunday "Love"

Thanks Charlotte and Ginger for always being here hosting these great Spiritual Sunday

"You can't touch love, but you can feel the sweetness that it
      pours into everything." Annie Sullivan

When someone told me they loved me...I didn't know what they meant. I couldn't feel what they were saying. And I didn't know how to respond. 

But when He showed me love....somehow His love cut through when nothing else could. I felt it. And I couldn't help but be drawn by it.

Love reached so far down into darkness.....and then waited.  No matter what I did...how much I fought against it.....or tried to push it away.....Love stayed....and made a difference.  

Happy Valentines guys!  

You surround me...the whisper calling my name...Love eternal reaching to me

Spiritual Sunday "In Love"

 Thanks Charlotte and Ginger for always hosting these awesome Spiritual Sundays 

"No hatred. Your love in me is stronger than the hatred" Corrie Ten Boom 

I used to hate those people who hurt me.....who forced me to do what I didn't want. I lived, breathed and ran on hate. And I didn't only hate them....I hated me too. That hatred kept me a prisoner....it kept me living in the dark....on the edge.....in pain. It colored my world black. 

 

Then one day....He touched me....cut through the darkness with love that  refused to give up....love that stood strong....even when I resisted and tried to push it away. 

Love made the difference....love that hung on...that never pushed...never forced...never demanded anything. He waited until I was ready....never leaving...never giving up.  Slowly...bit by bit.....He pushed away the darkness... replaced the hatred with love and forgiveness.  The power of His love...... 

Humbled and amazed that You would call my name...to know you as my closest friend....

Spiritual Sunday "In the Presence"

Charlotte and Ginger host Spiritual Sundays. They're awesome. If you want to join in  post and add your name at Spiritual Sunday

"You can have the other words-chance, luck, coincidence, serendipity. I'll take grace. I don't know what it is exactly, but I'll take it. " Mary Oliver 

While I was writing my book, In the Eye of Deception....there were times I wanted to get in my car...close my eyes...and drive. It hurt so much to remember. At one point I wanted to find the rapist's family...to know who raised such a brutal man.  I googled their last name and found these singers with the same name.  And this particular song "happened" to come up.  I had never heard of them or the song. Although it's not usually my type of music.....I was pulled into listening to it over and over and over. The words held me. 

I started running in the hills near our house....in the heat...in the rain...all hours of the day and late into the evenings...trying to outrun the memories and pain. I wanted to know why He allowed it to happen. Why He didn't help me earlier...before things had gotten so bad.

The more I listened to the song...the more I spent time alone with Him in the hills....something started to happen. The words slipped into my heart and I slowly I began to realize....it wasn't His fault what happened. And in His presence...it didn't even matter anymore. In His presence.....the pain began to lift...and also the shame....and fear. In His presence..I finally found what I needed ever since it happened...peace...hope...freedom.

...and when I come into His presence....all my questions become clear....In the presence of Jehovah....

Thankful Thursday

Linking up with Dayle at Simple Pleasures. 

"Be present in all things and thankful for all things" Maya Angelou 

First week in January....and it's already a great year. My goal - to kick back.. embrace life...give life my best....and enjoy the simple pleasures of life...I'm learning.....thanks for that Dayle. This week I'm grateful for:

-Dave...I was trying to pull a screw out from a lock on the front door. It wouldn't budge. Dave was standing outside. I didn't know him...but he saw me struggling...came over...took the screwdriver and pulled that screw out. I mumbled thanks. He flashed a huge smile. His action...his kindness....and his smile turned the day into something pretty neat.

-My oldest walked into the kitchen while I was washing dishes. I splashed a bit of water on her. She pushed her hand under the faucet and the water fight was on. Loved hearing the sound of her laughter. 
-Sparked up a friendship with some new neighbours who just moved from overseas. Even our kids hit it off.    
-Went to my first toastmaster's meeting. I want to push past my fears...and learn to have my voice in front of people.  The group of twenty were the kindest people. Even though I felt really nervous.....I've decided to stay. I'm thankful for all of them.
-Hope and joy - I wake up feeling it...even though there's no real reason except I know He's there..in my corner...whispering...it's okay now. You can do and be anything you want. He's making all the difference. He makes my heart want to sing.

Spiritual Sunday "Taking my Candle"

 Spiritual Sundays are hosted by Charlotte and Ginger. To join in post and add your name at bloggerspirit and Natasha

"As we are liberated....our presence automatically liberates others." MaryAnne Williamson

When I started blogging....I did it for me. I did it to get the memories out...to find some sense in everything that happened. But now...I realize it's not about me anymore. A 13 yr. old emailed me. Told me she found my blog....reads it every night to give herself hope. Her story is heartbreaking. All she wants is a family who will love her....care for her the way families are supposed to.

I never want to take for granted what He did. I didn't have the strength to break free. He did what I couldn't. What nothing could. He took over my fight... brought me into the winners circle. He did it. Now I want to go back to the darkness....and shine His light for others to find freedom too.

Please pray for O. ...for a miracle....for her to have that family. 

I want to take my candle....and go light the world.

Charlotte and Ginger host these amazing Spiritual Sundays. To join...post and add your name at  Spiritual Sunday.  

   "We're going to have to let truth scream louder to our souls than the lies that have infected us." Beth Moore

What makes a butterfly come out of it's cocoon? 
What makes someone break free from an addiction? 
There was a time I had no hope.  
There was a time.....I shook my fist in the air....at God and dared Him to kill me already. 
There was a time....I wanted to close my eyes and never open them again... 

I don't  know how I knew to cry out for Him to help me. It was a  weak cry....a pathetic one.....but still......He heard....and in His kindness.....He pulled me up.....and in  His love draw me in.  I had tried everything I knew. Nothing worked. I finally figured out.....there was nothing in me that was able to help myself break free. I ended up doing the only thing left....

I lifted my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I couldn't climb
I lifted my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild
I lifted my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I held inside 

Spiritual Sunday . "We're in it Together"

Charlotte and Ginger host these awesome Spiritual Sundays. To join in post and at your name at http://bloggerspirit.blogspot.com

 

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are...and what you can rise from......”  Maya Angelou

 We saw Toy Story3 last week. My favourite part was near the end. The toys were thrown away and dumped in a heap of garbage being pushed towards the incinerator. The toys tried and tried to get free.....but couldn't. 

 The part I love - one toy stopped struggling.....He knew his end was near. He reached out a hand to another toy....who took it and he too stopped struggling. Then he turned and reached out his hand to another toy....and so on until all the toys were in a single line gripping each other's hands....prepared to face their doom together. 

It was then they were saved. What struck me...was the way they reached out to each other......the way their eyes linked into their friend's....no words spoken...but they knew....each was saying...We're in this together. 

Some of you guys are struggling with tough stuff. I want to reach a 'hand' out to you...to let you know you're not alone.....And many of you have reached out to me with incredible kindness......We're in this together!!! 

To you guys fighting hard and needing a 'hand' of support.....and a touch from God.......We're in this together. 

I will carry you...be your strength....and pull you through....Reach for me....and take my hand.....and we will pray and we will stand. We were never meant to walk this road alone....




a few links to those needing support

Wanda...http://wandaswings.blogspot.com
Grace http://growingupgrace.com/
Wondering Soul http://unattractivenavalgazing.blogspot.com/
Whitby Woman http://wildaboutwhidbey.blogspot.com
Runnaway Child http://justaroundthenextbend.blogspot.com/

Words from a Friend- "Flashback"

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis

Her name, Doloros Ayotte. I met her online. Like me...she's a writer. I've been following her blog and getting to know her. Even through cyberspace...I can pick up on her kindness and gentleness. This post is written by her.  

"Flashback"

Over thirty years ago, as I was standing before my second grade class, I felt that my life was falling apart. Happily married with three young daughters, I suddenly felt this unbelievable sense of dread and despair. After days and weeks, this feeling would not lift. It evolved into a deep depression that I could not escape and I sought out medical advice. Medication seemed to be the answer, but it backfired on me. Rather than referring me to a specialist, my doctor chose to continue increasing the dosage of the anti-depressant that he had initially prescribed.

I went from being depressed into a manic state which I later discovered could be a side effect of the prescribed drug. The out of control “euphoria” was more than I could handle. Unable to sleep, I thought I was having the most incredible spiritual experience.

I would flip back and forth between despair and mania. It was I this time; I chose to seek out spiritual advice. After years of being a staunch Roman Catholic, I was shunned by a priest who had known me almost all my life. He told me in no uncertain terms that “I’d better reconcile myself to God”. In my state, he might as well have told me to jump off a bridge. 

In my youth and in my innocence, it never entered my mind that I was having an adverse reaction to my medication. I trusted my doctor. If this makes any sense, I thought of suicide but I was not suicidal. I got on my hands and knees and prayed like I had never prayed before in my whole life. I sought out the peace and comfort of a loving and forgiving God. At the depths of my despair, I found a renewed faith in a merciful God. I revisited my childhood education and I questioned some of the teachings. In doing so, I was able to face the reasons for my serious depression. I thought I was being punished but I wasn’t sure why. With time, I was able to work through the guilt that I was feeling and I learned to actually accept the unconditional love of my Creator. I never truly knew the meaning of faith until I was so filled with fear. It was then that God reached out His hand to me and saved me from the depths of despair. This is an experience I will never forget. For that, I will be forever grateful. 

To follow Dolore...http://doloresayotte.wordpress.com/
Her book is available at:Tate Publishing: http://www.tatepublishing.com/tipsheet/book.php?key=6920

Spiritual Sunday "Jesus Loves You."

I love these Spiritual Sundays. Charlotte and Ginger - you guys are the best for hosting this. Want to join in? Post and add your name at  http://bloggerspirit.blogspot.com/


What made the difference in my life....what touched me in a way nothing else could...what finally changed  me......turned my life around....freed me from the darkness...was the touch of His amazing love. He freed me...broke the chains - reached so far down to pull me out. And even when I couldn't accept His love...He stayed....He waited until I was ready...He overlooked my wild out of control destructive behaviour. He never gave up on me....never turned away.  When I shook my fist in the air daring Him to kill me..He waited...He stayed....until I was ready. He accepted me at my worst...and loved me just because....

Thankful Thursday

Thanks to Sonya-Lee for hosting T.T. Want to participate? Post 5 things you're thankful and add your name at http://truth4thejourney.blogspot.com/


Last year when I started writing....I struggled with not wanting anyone to know the things that had happened. I believed there had to have been something wrong with me that caused those things....The reviews I've gotten have blown me away..
Today...someone who read the story pulled me aside....I'm not alone anymore...if you can do it....I can too. Others have told me my story has given them hope and they're using the tools to work towards freedom....

So this week I'm totally thankful for:


1.the courage to go through with publication
2.God using what I wrote to help people know there is hope and freedom
3.God redeeming people's broken lives and setting captives free
4.my close friend who believed in me, pushed me, and knew God was going to use what I wrote....even when I doubted or wanted to give up. I'm also thankful for her compassion to sit in the dark with me when I couldn't stand for her to even look at me.
5.forgiveness....because he forgives me....I am free to forgive those who hurt me. There is amazing relief and freedom in that...

Winner of Book Giveaway

"We read to know we are not alone." C.S. Lewis 

I've been blown away by all the people interested in wanting to win a copy of my book. I wish I could send everyone one. My daughter wrote down the names of everyone who commented on the three blogs and then pulled out the name of the winner. 

Jane of the Jungle won the copy. I'll pop it in the mail today. Way to go. 


And for anyone is interested in purchasing a copy of the book, I've posted some excerpts of reviews: 

1....Her story is compelling simply because she should not be where she is now: she should not be alive, she should not be whole, and she should not be thriving in society. But she is! As I journeyed through her story, I became aware of a burning passion at work. It is a story of the loving Creator wooing a lost soul. 

I cried as I read of her traumas. I rejoiced as I read of both the miraculous deliverance and the painstaking recovery. And I will continue to celebrate as society’s lost are found through her words and ministry. Anyone who reads this story will have no doubt that God’s love conquers all and trumps even mankind’s best efforts.

- Donna Dawson, author of The Adam and Eve Project, Redeemed, and the double award winning novel, Vengeance
  
2.....I began reading her blog and could gather by her postings that she had endured very painful events in her life.I did not understand the full magnitude of the pain and suffering she endured until I read her life story, In The Eye of Deception. In The Eye of Deception is a powerful book about enduring, surviving and overcoming .... It is a powerful story of redemption....a powerful story of how God can turn what is meant to destroy us into something which uplifts us and glorifies HIM. I give In The Eye of Deception 5 out of 5 stars. The book is awesome. The book is fantastic. The book will indeed set you free.
Valerie: http://simply4god.blogspot.com

 3. As a Child and Youth Worker, it amazes me that she is still alive after what she lived through. Many youth and adults have far fewer problems yet give up because life seems just too difficult. If anyone had a reason to give up, she did, yet God perserved her life and gave her a desire to bring hope and healing to others. May this book change your life as knowing her has changed mine. 

Debbie Thorkildsen: CYW 

Book Give Away

www.gentlerecovery.webs.com

It took me one year to write what I lived. One year to put it down on paper. One year to remember how far down He had reached to pull me out. One year of fighting within myself to finally come to the place of letting Him use what I lived - to give hope - to someone else.    


It is a story I had never told; I kept it all inside. I started to wonder if it was some crazy dream, or if it had even happened at all. Sometimes I thought maybe I had made it up. Other times I thought it wasn’t that bad – it was no big deal. But last year people I hadn’t seen in a while started surfacing: family, friends... people who knew. “You’re a miracle,” they said. “How did you survive?” 
 “Survive?” “Miracle?”  What did they mean? They started to tell me stories from their memories of how bad things were: how thin I had become, how out of control... My older sister whom I hadn’t seen for a long time returned from living overseas. She needed to talk. She forced me to listen... forced me to remember. 

When the memories hit, they hit hard. I wrote to get the images out of my head. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I wanted to get in my car, close my eyes and drive. It felt like it was happening all over again – the beatings, the confinement, the rape; throwing up time after time after time, even when I had tasted only a small bite of something; shoving needles in my arm  three and four times a day; ripping my arms with jagged rocks to feel something because I was so numb inside.

Why God? Why are you letting me go through this again? 

I didn’t want to remember! Yet in remembering, it dawned on me – finally – just how far down God had reached to free me.

Every day, in heat, rain or cold, I ran - alone in the woods - in the hills near our home. There I felt the gentle touch of God. I heard Him whisper, “You’re stronger now. It’s time to tell the truth of what happened. Tell your story to give hope to others.”

How could I never have told anyone what He had done for me? Nothing else had worked. Nothing had been able to break the chains that kept me living on the edge. Nothing…except the gentleness of His touch. 

The power of His gentleness...
In the Eye of Deception: This is my story. www.gentlerecovery.webs.com

The publisher made an error and printed a couple of books with stretched margins. I thought I would turn this 'error' into a free give away. For everyone who leaves a comment with their email here or on my website -  your name will be written down and my daughter will pull out the name of the winner. The 'winner' will be chosen on Friday of this week.