Her name, Doloros Ayotte. I met her online. Like me...she's a writer. I've been following her blog and getting to know her. Even through cyberspace...I can pick up on her kindness and gentleness. This post is written by her.
"Flashback"
Over thirty years ago, as I was standing before my second grade class, I felt that my life was falling apart. Happily married with three young daughters, I suddenly felt this unbelievable sense of dread and despair. After days and weeks, this feeling would not lift. It evolved into a deep depression that I could not escape and I sought out medical advice. Medication seemed to be the answer, but it backfired on me. Rather than referring me to a specialist, my doctor chose to continue increasing the dosage of the anti-depressant that he had initially prescribed.
I went from being depressed into a manic state which I later discovered could be a side effect of the prescribed drug. The out of control “euphoria” was more than I could handle. Unable to sleep, I thought I was having the most incredible spiritual experience.
I would flip back and forth between despair and mania. It was I this time; I chose to seek out spiritual advice. After years of being a staunch Roman Catholic, I was shunned by a priest who had known me almost all my life. He told me in no uncertain terms that “I’d better reconcile myself to God”. In my state, he might as well have told me to jump off a bridge.
In my youth and in my innocence, it never entered my mind that I was having an adverse reaction to my medication. I trusted my doctor. If this makes any sense, I thought of suicide but I was not suicidal. I got on my hands and knees and prayed like I had never prayed before in my whole life. I sought out the peace and comfort of a loving and forgiving God. At the depths of my despair, I found a renewed faith in a merciful God. I revisited my childhood education and I questioned some of the teachings. In doing so, I was able to face the reasons for my serious depression. I thought I was being punished but I wasn’t sure why. With time, I was able to work through the guilt that I was feeling and I learned to actually accept the unconditional love of my Creator. I never truly knew the meaning of faith until I was so filled with fear. It was then that God reached out His hand to me and saved me from the depths of despair. This is an experience I will never forget. For that, I will be forever grateful.
To follow Dolore...http://doloresayotte.wordpress.com/
Her book is available at:Tate Publishing: http://www.tatepublishing.com/tipsheet/book.php?key=6920
